12/27/99
The last few days of my life have been crazy. I started driving on christmas eve, cause i got my permitt the day before, and for some reason, i started to become addicted. After last night that addiction came to a blunt stop....I was driving pretty bad, and I don't know why! It's horrible, but I won't let myself quit, i know it's gonna take time, and i'll get better at it. Once again I'm wondering about bobby, I mean I really do like him, but I always seem to push him away, he's like the one person I can't let myself stay close to, or far from, and I hate it! I think Myriah needs a guy...bad, she found some guys that live close (mind you they're about 20) that she's now interested in, along with some guys at school....hopefull one of them will make her happy....I've noticed that i'm beginning to become kindof social anxious......after what happened to me last year, and this year, i don't much like talking to people that I don't really trust a whole lot....nor do I enjoy going to school, I wish vacation would last forever so I never had to go back. If I could change one thing about myself, I would have to change that fact, I would be stronger than I am, I would convey a strength unknow to anyone else, and I would prove to be a decent person who would be everything I'm to afraid to be. Too much time, it would take me too much time, and prolong my suffering if I attempted to be so strong, to show the world who's right, and prove who's wrong, but then what else can I do, push my loved ones away, and cause a greater pain to myself than that which I already feel? Is this what's keeping me down, this hurt, this pang that i felt that should be no more, do I hold on to it with all of my might, and do i unknowingly cherrish it, god only knows what's wrong with me....