12/15/00
Finally, I'm off of school for winter vacation, and I couldn't be happier, well, ok, maybe that's a lie.
Everything was going great for the past few weeks, my hard work was paying off, my grades were going up, then Micky came along. Why did he have to come along? all he does is confuse me and leave me on another planet all day...I can't help hearing what I hear, and then seeing what I see...they're both different things, and I don't know how to deal with that. Last night at my Jazz band gig I realized that I wasn't even there, I was reading my music and playing my guitar, but my mind was on a different planet, the one created by Micky. We might have hooked up in the near future, but then I remembered why I can't keep a guy, because there's always someone better than me, I'm never the best in someone's eyes, only second best, and that goes the same with him too, sara is the queen, and i'm only a surf working on a manor. That's the way it's always been, i'm ok, but somone else is just the best thing.
I got a good suprise today, I have an A in my honors english course. I was really happy when I found out...that means that I get to stay in marching band *thank god*. I was only praying for a B, but an A was a nice suprise. Knowing that kept me on cloud nine for about five minutes today, but after that the only thing that could make me feel ok was listenin to Creed....they're really soothing music. They take that preocupation of mine and the confusion with it and everything else, and make it all ok.
I got a letter from the University of Miami today...I wish it had said what I wanted it to, but it was just an announcement to those who attend the guitar camp about some concert that's going on some time in the near future. It couldn't possibly have said what I wanted it to say, that they want me at the school, because I'm only a sophmore and with my gpa from last year i'm sure they wouldn't want me. That school is my motivation for life anymore, I need to get there to that stage....to be a part of it all, and what makes me angry about my poor effort last year is that I know that I can make it there, i'm plenty smart enough.
I promised myself earlier in the year that I would have no boyfriends, and I need to stick to that. Maybe if I don't date my mind will stay in the right place to get myself to Miami....because I have to go there, I have to....not because it's the nicest school, or the best school....but because it's that unreachable fantasy...and they have the program that I want to study...that helps too.
I'm going to a christmas party tonight....hey maybe I'll get kissed under a mistletoe or something like that....I've always wanted to be kissed under a mistletoe....only because I never have been. I've never really been to a christmas party before....I just realized that, only to lori's partys no one elses....well, happy day for me....:)