06/04/00
I guess I kindof regret having to say this, but today's journal will probably be a very serious one, not kidding around, everything I say I will mean with all of my heart. I don't even know where to begin saying something like this....in a way that I wont offend anyone, or hang myself out to dry.....Well it's just that sometimes when I talk to Josh on the phone, I can't quite tell weather he even really wants to be talking to me or not, and I hate the phone for that reason, I wish I could tell. I know he probably hates it when I call him at work.....and I know I probably shouldn't, and am being a complete pest....oh I don't know! I always have this problem when I don't know what to do, when I call sometimes I feel like i'm calling too much, and that he will think I'm getting clingy....when in actuality I have something kind of serious to talk/ask him about right about now. I don't mean that I'm not sure if I like Josh that much anymore, god knows I'm crazy about him....but I just wish I could get an email back, or a phone call or something from him so that I don't feel so much like it's just a one way thing! Amy and I have been semi-seriously talking about trying something that neither of us have tried before....she's allowd to do it, but I don't know if I am....I need to know what Josh thinks about it first....It wouldn't be very nice of me to just be like "oh and I just did.......without even asking your oppinion" I'm sure he wouldn't appriciate that from me. I hate the way my mind wanders, why I have to be so annylitical I don't know. I have so much emotional blah to spill today.....and I'm choosing to spill it here, how stupid.....you know that a lot of people are going to see this you idot *smacks self*. I'm still going to camp in three weeks....maybe I'll get a wake up call there and see either how stupid I am for thinking this way, or how amazingly right I am for thinking this way....who knows. After that I don't know, Maine.....we'll probably leave right after camp, because my grandmother is dying, this will deffinately be my last visit with her if we even make it in time.....Oh happy day.....how Ironic.....summer is supposed to be laid back and peacefull, but I'm making it so difficult on myself....life's so great isn't it....and I mean that with the up most sarcasm, but maybe it'll start looking up tomorrow....doubt it though....adios.