06/02/00
So, this is how it's all comming down, the whole summer thing. It's finally here, I finally got my finals over with, and I have days and days to sleep in, but somehow it doesn't seem as if it's really such a great time for me, I did after all just loose a lot. When I say I lost a lot I'm more or less refering to Myriah and Lori, they were like the foundation of my social backround, and I almost began looking around wondering who to turn to when I knew that we were through.....which was long before they ever told me. them telling me only made it more solid, more lain in stone, it still hurt. Lately my mother's been asking me why I'm acting so depressed; I just give her a blank stare and ask her what she's talking about. It's not like I try to act that way, I know I have a boyfriend (she brought that up), school's out, ext. but somehow I just end up alone in my room staring at the ceiling....maybe for seconds, maybe for minutes, but a lot of times for hours. I almost have to self-conciously tell myself to stop starting, that I'm being weird when I realize it, but none the less the act is already done. I've also begun my new journal (not net) that I'll write in only for the summer....logging summer events and what not, after that one I'll have to buy a new one for next year. I'd like to keep writing in different journals simply because of the fact that I can look back and read them. I've read some of my old journals from last summer, and any time when I was younger, and I just laugh...it's a good feeling to be able to just laugh at yourself. Oh yes, I never wrote about when Josh came to visit me, I suppose I should. He came last Monday for a few hours, It was great. My parents liked him, and his parents liked me, so it's all good. One particular instance that I think was really funny was when he saw my fooseball table and asked me to play. His parents said that I would beat him right away, and he was determined to prove otherwise. The funniest thing about this game is that at first he scored a couple shots, thought I would be a peice of cake,and decided to play only with two men....untill I started whooping him.....needless to say I won....and refused to play him again for the simple fact that I wanted to have the privalage of rubbing it in his face. That wasn't all that happened when Josh came, we jammed on our guitars....untill he decided to play around with my zoom (an effects processor)....after that he was just playing stuff for me, and we were having our pinching war. (you started it...to josh) Our parents seemed to be getting along well, so I decided to ask if we could go for a walk, to which my mother said yes. I was pleased, some time alone with my boyfriend, what more could I ask. On this walk we saw my dad....luckily we weren't showing any pda for the moment!:) Well besides that nothing else important happened, and I've just been sleeping my ass off all day lately.....adios.