05/14/00
Today is a horrible, horrible day, fuck my mother and fuck everyone else, you all can go and die! How is it that even when I'm being the perfect little kid, doing everything that bitch tells me to, she still punishes me....why doesn't she just lock me in my fuckin room for the rest of my life! Now because of the fact that my moms a bitch, and because someone saying some lies about what I did when I was in Miami, I'm probably not going to camp. You know, it's not the fact that someone could say something like what they said that makes me angry, but the fact that they said it to my brother, he told my mother, and god knows she thinks I go off and fuck everything that walks.....I just want to go scream, especially at TJ.....I would like to kill him, DJ, Wally, and Jimmy right now. On top of all of that my mom is gettin pissed at DJ, Wally, and Jimmy about the whole "Scarecrow" thing and is probably going to report them for harassment....meaning they'll get suspended, maybe worse. I really am in such a bad mood today that I would love to go out and just strangle the first thing that got in my way. I don't want to talk to anyone, don't want to see anyone, and I damn don't want to do any work. Today is one of those days where I'll go on a long...long jog and just think. Why is everything going so horribly when I did nothing wrong to deserve for it to be? I just don't understand it. Mothers day now officially sucks ass.....I will never forgive TJ if my mom doesn't let me go to camp....What he said didn't happen, It's not true, not close to true! But I should just give it up, because no matter what I do or say, she's going to believe what he says over me, and I might as well have done everything that he said I did.....I couldn't possibly disrespect myself that much in public....with someone I've only known for a year. It just infuriates me....maybe this was all a bad idea.....everything. Why the hell was I brought to life if I'm only going to spend my whole life wishing I wasn't here! I seriously do sometimes, but I wouldn't have it in me to actually kill myself. Who or what decides everything that happens for everybody? Who or whatever it is must not like me very much....Isn't it enough to be fat and made fun of, hurt by someone, have the worst possible rumor spread about you, be made fun of because of your hair, not be able to do what you really want to, have no freedom and half the time have almost no control over what you eat! I've suffered enough! I can't be near Josh, the person who has made me so happy, why did I have to choose someone so far away! Uh this all sucks, goodbye