05-11-00
I'm still not feeling well, and really want to go to the doctor, but I can't find an appointment that is after school. Lately I haven't been eating much, only bad things, but not much none the less. Yesterday I exercised a lot! I ran three miles then swam 50 laps in my pool (about a mile). I've noticed lately, more and more that people I don't want touching me are touching me (like adam) and it really bothers me a lot. I'm not a peice of meat! Sometimes that's allI feel like, a peice of meat, people beat me, they treat my oppinions with no respect, and my decisions don't matter, it drives me crazy! I finally got an email this morning that Josh sent me on sunday, I wish I could see him sometime before camp, but that doesn't seem like a possibility. I teased Josh the other day that I'm in control of him, but the truth is I sort of am....he can't do anything I don't want him to. I love the feeling of being in control of someone who could overpower me in a minute.....and it's also amazing to have someone I can sing with and talk music with constantly. I miss Josh so much today, I with that he would call me. I would call him, but then I would feel like it were only a one way thing, and that wouldn't be fun at all. Sometimes I just want to sit here and write everything I think, but gosh I'd fill all of the space that I have! I don't even know if Josh is going to be home tonight, but I need to talk to him about the chorus/delay pedals I'm going to be buying soon. Tonight is the end of the year concert in Jazz band, then sunday we have a mothers day gig, and we're done, untill tryouts. I wish I could wake up and forget everything that's going on, forget that I don't want these people touching me, forget that I can't wait till summer, and forget how much I wish Josh could be here, but not him ofcourse:) Oh and I deffinately want to forget that Deejay, wally, and jimmy exist, well actually kill them, but oops was that mean......adios.