05/04/00
Yesterday was eveything I dreamed about and more, somehow I feel more calm now that I've actually seen Josh, I feel more comfortable. I got my wish of something to take home to remember him by; he gave me his chain, which I'm not going to take off untill I have to, i'll keep it just the way he put it on me. For the first hour or so this chain smelled like him, he has a distinct smell, a good one that drives me nuts when I smell it. I remember what I thought when I first saw him, "oh god here it is, I've been waiting all day, and here's that one first moment, what do I do, what do I say?" but he broke my shy train of thought when he said "hey girl what's up!" and gave me one of those nice hugs of his. Every minute I was with him felt like a decade last night, five minutes felt like half an hour of bliss. I was so sad when Mrs. DelPiore made me go in my room and I had to let go of Josh....knowing I wouldn't get to seem him today. Its crazy that none of this would have ever happened if I hadn't asked for his email addy, if I hadn't conqured that shy part of me. I remember thinking that it was now or never, and ofcourse I would choose now, never is just too long, but four/five weeks is too long too *sniff sniff*. Camp is in four to five weeks, that's why I'm whining, but ya know.....he did say that he's going to be in Orlando next week, I might just try some major begging for friday....hehe. It's funny how we've known eachother for a year now, dated other people, and chose eachother, does that mean something, like what Josh said to me about "forever" last night? and about souldmates, is it possible at my age, it seems so highly unlikely, but I can't picture myself in ten years with anyone who would make me happier....can you just picture the kids that there would be in this "dream" future.....we both love guitar and singing, damn they would have to be really tallented if they grew up around two people like us. Like I said before, in a strange way Josh reminds me a tiny itty bitty bit of my brother, I think it's the nose, but his is cute, along with the rest of him. What string do both guitar players and bass players share.....I'll leave it for you to think about unless you know already.....How did I know it was a "G" he was going to play when he tested my ear, I knew it, but for some reason I questioned it....what if it wasn't, so I said "A", but I knew it, that was the first thing that came into my head last night! Oh and though D.J. and Wally are jerks, killing them wouldn't be pretty, so I think someone *cough Josh* better just stop hating them and leave it to me to beat their asses....Josh was going to try and suprise me today, but he went to the wrong school...IT WAS CORAL PARK DAMN IT! and he got there minutes after I left, I would have gotten to see him, but I guess some things just don't work hu? I got off of my train of thought just now, and this was beginning to be good, stuff that wasn't just on the top of my thoughts, but I'll try again here. I get this feeling when I'm around Josh, and when I think of us, it's not like anyone else i've EVER met or dated, no one, nothing like it, I've never had time feel like it did last night, and someone who immedately appologizes (alot) when they think they've done something wrong or something that would upset me. The real truth about why bobby and I broke up, I was talking to Josh online, and it brought those memories of how much I knew that there was no one more special to me than him, and no matter what Bobby did he couldn't compete......since the first time I saw him my hearts been stolen....I tried it to see if I was sure, or just because I was like "oh it's impractical, i'd never see him" but for some reason I have faith in it now, I can see this working....it'll be hard, it'll hurt, and it will be heck, but those bruises, tears and that pain would be worth even just a minute with Josh every once and a while, it would be worth every second.....last night if I got one touch and one glance I would have been falling all over myself again, but I got so much more, and falling isn't the word, fallen, far! I don't even know how it happened so fast though, we must have some kind of bond, well this is long.....beware of the white rabbit....