04/22/00
What happened to that happy-go-lucky part of me? It's almost as if i've evaporated into less than a whole person. I've been crying a lot lately, and it hurts for me to know what I am, I am almost a type of monster! I hate myself so much, and I wish at times that I could end this all, stop being myself...stop killing myself, but there's always a reason to go on like this, and it's all just getting worse. I don't know why i can't beat this yet, but I will, I have to or else I'd rather be dead, this is truely worse! i wish I could just blink and I would be better, but I'm not, and it'll never work that way for some reason. I can't break myself, no matter how much I want to and try....food takes me over, but why?