01/19/00
I finally feel like myself again today, I laughed, I smiled, and I didn't look behind me, nor will I ever again....I'm done getting hurt. Have you ever felt like you're person in the world who soaks up all of everyones pain so that they don't have any? I always feel that way, always have, maybe always will...life's just one big joke, and i'm the victom of that joke, the one who's always going to regret living more that they are happy about it. Whatever life brings me that makes me happy always turns bad for some reason, and the bad is ten times worse than the good...I got skinny....I got obsessed about it for awhile, and started purging.....I got a boyfriend.......he ruined me, but made me strong.....I found a friend, she called obsessively, so when she lost my number I gave her a fake one and told her that it doesn't work, people had been telling me that.....I got another boyfriend, and he used me worse than anyone I've ever known, and said he loved/cared for me, but his body language told me much different.....Life's not a box of chocolates...not at all...unless you like to be torn apart one particle at a time, and eaten alive by carnivorous animals. the only good thing I can think about right now is the fact that I'm rid of all things that can hurt me, and i've got my little dagger that helps me sleep at night, reminding me that someday it will come back to those people, someday. Is it wrong to wish/hope someone has something really horrible happen to them? I hope not, because that seems to be all I do anymore, and I quite enjoy it:) From now on I pledge to myself never to let anyone new in, especially guys, and not to tell anyone anything that I don't want everyone to know...which doesn't sound bad to me, because what do I want everyone to know? NOTHING why would I share myself, my poetry, my life with all of the people I hate? I myself don't know the answer, except for the fact that I wouldn't....good day, good night, and have a great life, god knows someone deserves it.