01/16/00
"Good bye....forever" My last words to someone I care for very deeply....but whom I should have learned not to trust. I couldn't let go, could I, I didn't learn, but now I guess I have to learn. Do forewarded emails tell the truth? Because I read one today, and decided to test it, and it said if you don't pass this on your heart will be broken within the next 24 hrs......and that couldn't be any more true. Just after I gave you your second chance you had to break my heart again, I can't handle stress, and I throw away things that bring me stress.....you hurt me once, ignoring me, you hurt me again, and only days after begining again, but this time you don't know who to choose, so I made that choice for you. I'm sorry I made it for you, but I had to.With My dearest appology I write you this finnal letter, I know what you're going through, but I also know that it hurts me, because you begged my last chance, and I gave it to you. It hurt the first time, but now this hurts worse, you say that you can't live without me, but I can't possibly live 'with' you, and you weren't ment to have me. I know you said you don't know what to do, and I made that decision for you, I knew something was up this morning, you weren't you, and I know that something's always going to be wrong. I want badly to cry for you, but I have to let myself let go for real this time, no matter how much i don't want to, and you do to. I can't let myself cry for you, because not only would that show that I care, but to me it will show how I am weak. I'm sorry that I started all of this mistrust, and i'm sorry that I care, i'm sorry that I threw everything away for you, and most of all, because of the hurt that's come from this, i'm sorry that I met you. From today in your eyes, I will cease to exist, for my own heart I must say could not bear one last look at you. call me as you may, love me maybe still, but goodbye forever one of mine, good bye...............(from the heart) If that supposid letter doesn't mean a thing to you I'm sorry, but that's what I have to say today, i'm sorry that I did anything I ever did, and sadly i'm almost sorry I exist. I used to sit and cry to my mom saying that I was sorry I was born, but only now do I really realize that I would in the future learn the true meaning of those words.