01/08/00
Why me? Why do I never know what I want, and take what I don't want? Why does everyone that I let into my world never want to leave? If only I knew....my emotional battle's hit a new level today... I confessed to Bobby that I don't know if I want him anymore, and I confessed to Josh that i had fallen for him last summer, and continue to like him still. On one hand I could eliminate my problem by choosing....either choice would eliminate my problem, but if I choose to leave Bobby I'm always going to want him, and if I choose to stay with Bobby how will he treat me? and can I trust myself not to treat him wrong? I don't know if I trust myself to be completely devoted to one person right now. The perfect solution would be to either draw them both away, or to have an open relationship where I can have more than one guy at once......am I really that addictice that I have two that I don't know what to do with...well I know what to do with Josh, but Bobby....lord strike me with lightning so I can either think straight, or be put out of my mysery. I really think I do know my choice, but I don't want to admit it.....even to myself.